is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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