it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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