Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
