yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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