I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
