He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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