what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
