when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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