dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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