Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
