Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
