after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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