i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
