Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
