I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
