If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
