You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
