A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
