I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
