What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
