So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
