I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
