we made out on top of his cat.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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