i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
