Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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