the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
