dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
