i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
