My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
