Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
