Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
