Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Panties = found
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
