I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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