I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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