that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I am one with the molecules
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
