Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
