HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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