do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
