Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
