mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
