So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
