I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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