I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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