What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he shaved USA in his pubs
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
