i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
