a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
