Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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