DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
