It's like God shit irony all over that family
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
