oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
