My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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