Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
