He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I need moral support for this bender
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
